dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
barbara walters just said penis...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dick very happy bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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