You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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