Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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