nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
