i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
