I'm drive I can fine osifer
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
