why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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