Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I would fuck him just for his dog
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
