I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just pee around me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
