Already got asked if we're dating
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
