I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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