I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
