nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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