I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bring me that man meat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
