Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize