dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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