saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
