im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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