Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
