living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
