I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
