HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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