I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
