Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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