Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
