dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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