Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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