Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
