hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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