I'm going to jail i love you
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
