He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
