Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize