): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Found your dick twin last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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