ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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