Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He shit in the fireplace
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
