Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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