Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
