1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
