no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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