I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
