I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
