let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
