he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize