I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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