it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
