Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
