I think I died a long time ago.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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