Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
