our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
