Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize