Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
