dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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