is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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