Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
