we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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