i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
