I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
