just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
