If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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