when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the day after is always just damage control
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
