So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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