how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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