the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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