I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
