Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
