I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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