dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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