So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
