Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize