how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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