This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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