I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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