I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
