Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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