....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
