We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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