A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
