K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You pole danced in your parka.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
