Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize