I've blown a few things in my day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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