I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize