like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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