This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
