When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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