watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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