So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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