I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
