Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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