Barsexuality is the new black.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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