pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
