just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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